Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
