I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
