Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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