remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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