I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
