Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
