Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
