Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
