how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
