He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
