the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
