Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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