Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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