it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
my poor anus
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
