margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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