yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
