i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
