In the future we'll all be gay
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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