I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
