grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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