sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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