Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
