she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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