Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
