I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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