I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
