the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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