meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
