why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
