that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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