i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
