Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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