I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
