Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
