Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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