i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize