he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
