on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We don't watch enough power rangers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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