wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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