now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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