I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
