I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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