I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
