This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
