Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
