don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
