his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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