you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
