He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
being pregnant is like rehab
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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