I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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