I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
