I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
