i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
