I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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