This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
